5 min read
As a sex therapist, my main focus is to help clients reduce negative feelings and thoughts about sex. You see, most don’t seek out therapy for a quick tip or two – it’s real, deep work that involves acknowledging that which you might long have been avoiding.
However, once the hard part is over; perhaps you’ve gotten your sex drive back, feel less negative emotions during sex, or find it easy to orgasm – you can work on the fun stuff. One of these is how to make orgasms better.
If you’re looking to spice things up, the tips below will help you put the spark back into the bedroom (or wherever you prefer to have sex!).
A simple yet effective way of making orgasms more explosive, is referred to as “edging”. It may sound fancy, but in actuality all it entails is delaying your orgasm.
By repeatedly delaying your orgasm during partnered sex or masturbation, your orgasm can become stronger and last even longer.
Think of it as the build-up of sexual tension – the more you build that tension over and over again, the more satisfying the eruption becomes.
1) Learn to identify and delay your orgasm through masturbation, first. Once you know how nearing orgasm feels – you can play around with edging with a partner.
2) Delaying your orgasm is done by bringing yourself to the brink of orgasm, and then stopping stimulation completely. This includes both physical and mental stimulation (as some people can come even when the physical stimulation has stopped).
3) Once you’ve stopped all stimulation, and the feeling you’re close has settled, start it up again. When you feel the famous build-up to orgasm start once more – stop – then repeat – and do this as many times as you want (or can!) until you’re ready to have an orgasm.
4) Once you’ve been able to do this successfully during solo sex, you’re ready to try out how to make orgasms better with your partner. When doing this for the first time, make sure to communicate about how edging works and come up with a signal or a word for when you’re getting close.
Some people like to turn this into a fun game where they see how many times they can bring their partner to the orgasm edge – others like to agree on how many times before you try it out. Play around with it and see what your preferred method is!
My free resource The Desire Test helps you take that first step towards an increased sex drive, by understanding your decreased desire.
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Ejaculating during an orgasm is usually associated with male orgasms. But women and people with vulvas/vaginas can ejaculate, too. And those who do this describe it as an intense experience – one definitely worth trying out if you’re trying to work out how to make orgasms better.
1) First things first, we don’t actually know if everyone can experience ejaculation during orgasm. It’s thought that squirting may be related to hormonal changes in the body, which explains why some people all of a sudden either can or can’t ejaculate.
2) If you don’t ejaculate regularly, embarking on female ejaculation is like trying out really advanced sex. This means, if orgasms generally speaking are difficult, it’s best not to add more pressure by trying to squirt, too.
3) If you’re ready to give it a go, you’ll first want to spend some time on finding your CUV-complex. This is usually referred to as your G-spot, however, new research shows that the CUV-complex is more accurate and encompasses several erogenous zones; the vagina, clitoris and urethra. The nerves from all these places combined can make for an intense experience that leads to ejaculation.
4) In order to experience ejaculation you need to be sufficiently sexually aroused. This is because your arousal actually facilitates the liquid you emit during ejaculation (at least, this is what we believe today). And the longer you’re aroused, the more liquid can be retained and emitted.
5) Give it time! You’ll want to try out different techniques in order to squirt during an orgasm. For some, it’s about consistent, hard pressure on the CUV-complex. For others, it’s about dancing around the CUV-complex with lighter strokes. For a third, it’s all about manual stimulation of the external clitoris, while simultaneously experiencing penetration that rubs against the CUV-complex. Take your time and see what you need in order to experience ejaculation.
Ejaculation and edging are great ways to make things more exciting in the bedroom.
If orgasms are something you experience regularly and fairly easy – trying out these techniques is a great way of introducing some novelty.
However, if you experience sexual difficulties, such as no sex drive, these are tips that can wait. Working on how to make orgasms better is only fun once sex feels fun overall! Remember, sex isn’t about being productive or doing it right. It’s about enjoyment, pleasure and being in the moment. If that involves trying new techniques – go for it – if it doesn’t, leave it.
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With 11 years of experience in the helping profession - Leigh helps her clients create stress-free, shame-free, pressure-free sex lives, through her unique combination of sexological science, & psychotherapeutic & coaching tools.
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