Wondering Why You’re Feeling Emotional or Crying After Sex? Here’s What You Need to Know

First published 12th january, 2021. Updated 6th May, 2025.

5 min read

Just like everything else in life, sex doesn’t always unfold the way we imagine (or desperately hope!). Sometimes, sex leaves us feeling happy and connected—but other times, it stirs up feelings of sadness, emptiness, or frustration. 

Understanding how common these emotional reactions are, and the psychological and physiological factors behind them, can make a huge difference. If you’ve ever asked yourself, “why do I feel emotional after sex?”—Here are three key reasons to consider.

Three Possible Reasons You’re Feeling Emotional After Sex

Sexual Disappointment

Sex can be amazing. It can open the door to intimacy, fun, and deep connection with someone. But it can also lead to less than pleasant experiences, and feelings such as frustration, sadness, and disappointment.

If your sexual experience doesn’t match your hopes or expectations, feeling emotional afterwards is completely natural.

Why?

Because sex often requires us to be open and vulnerable with another person (or people). And being vulnerable can be hard.

We invest our energy, we show our true selves—and when the experience falls short, it’s easy to feel let down.

There are lots of reasons why sex isn’t always pleasurable. 

Sometimes, the root cause is that we weren’t really aroused to begin with. For sex to feel truly satisfying, both desire and arousal need to be present. That’s why sex during periods of low desire can leave us feeling hollow or dissatisfied.

Other times, disappointment stems from repetitive routines, poor communication (in the relationship or about sex specifically), or performance anxiety.

Beyond this, when answering the question “why do I feel emotional after sex,” consider society’s role. 

We’re surrounded by cultural messages about how sex “should” feel and look. We’re told how long it’s meant to last, what positions we “need” to contort our bodies into, and how we should sound. Especially in relationships that are “meant to last”, we believe sex should function a certain way. 

If your sex life sometimes feels more like a quick snack than a fine dining experience—you’re definitely not alone. Everyone goes through these phases, no matter how solid the relationship.

Accepting that not every sexual encounter can be top-tier, and recognising that a disappointing experience doesn’t automatically mean the relationship is broken, can help ease those emotions.

My free resource Manual For Emotions gives you the tools needed to understand the connection between sex and emotions and feel better.

Learn about the connection between sex and emotions and how to deal with difficult emotions in this 6-page long resource, and get free sex and relationship tips directly to your inbox. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Postcoital Dysphoria

Sometimes, sadness or irritation after sex isn’t about the quality of the experience. At all. 

You might have had a great and satisfying sexual encounter and still feel sad, anxious, or annoyed afterwards. And this can certainly feel extra confusing. If this sounds like you, you could be experiencing postcoital dysphoria (PCD), sometimes called postcoital tristesse.

PCD is when feelings of sadness, anxiety, or irritability surface after sexual activity—even if the sex itself felt good.

Although postcoital dysphoria is not fully understood, studies show that around 3-4% of men and about 2% of women experience it.

While the exact cause remains unclear, some theories suggest links to other mental health challenges, such as depression or anxiety.

If you’re regularly feeling upset after positive sexual experiences, seeking support from a sex therapist could be very beneficial.

Crying after sex doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you—it can simply be the body’s way of processing deep emotional shifts.

Letting Your Guard Down

Feeling emotional after sex doesn’t feel negative at all. 

Sometimes it’s the result of a combination of emotional and physiological changes having taken place. 

Your emotions might literally pour out of you like tears, simply because you’re finally relaxed, open, and deeply connected—to your partner, and to yourself.

In long-term relationships, sex can become a source of tension instead of connection. As a sex therapist, I’ve seen it all: from sex used as a reward or withheld as punishment, to simply slipping away due to waning desire over time. 

Sometimes, couples drift into a sexless phase, not out of resentment—but simply because other parts of life become all-consuming.

When sex then returns—it can awaken powerful feelings. You might find yourself reconnecting not only with your partner but also with parts of yourself you thought were long gone.

Parts you didn’t even know you’d missed.

Your sexual self, your confidence, and your sense of vitality can reignite. Feeling emotional in these moments—even shedding joyful tears—is a deeply human response.

Finding a Way Forward

There are plenty of reasons why sex can make you feel emotional. Some are rooted in the experience itself—perhaps it was unsatisfying or uncomfortable. If this is you, speaking with a sex therapist or sex coach can offer support and guidance to making sex enjoyable for you. 

Other times, feelings of sadness or irritation have little to do with the encounter, pointing instead to postcoital dysphoria. Understanding your own sexual health and emotional patterns is key to addressing these feelings effectively.

And sometimes, sex makes us feel emotional in a positive way. Feeling connected, close, and vulnerable with our partner can be fulfilling and make us cry. 

By using the explanations above, you can better answer the question of  “why do I feel emotional after sex?” for yourself. 

And if these feelings persist or cause distress, seeking professional help can make all the difference.

My free guide “A Manual For Emotions” offers further insights into how emotions and sexuality are intertwined—and practical steps for navigating them when things feel tricky. Download it and take that important next step toward understanding yourself even better.