First published 10th November, 2020. Updated on 2 June, 2025.
7 min read
Communication is the foundation of any strong relationship. In some ways, it’s what makes a relationship what it is; how we share our thoughts, express our feelings, and build trust with one another. But what happens when communication starts to fade?
This article, written by a sex and relationship therapist, explores the impact of poor communication, unhealthy communication patterns, and how improving your communication skills can transform your connection—both in and out of the bedroom.
Because it matters.
At their core, relationships are about connecting with someone else. And that connection is impossible without communication.
Whether it’s verbal, physical, or emotional, how you interact and share with your partner creates the magic that makes a relationship thrive. When communication falters, that magic can quickly fade.
From my experience working with couples, whether they are facing relationship issues or sexual concerns in sex therapy, communication challenges are the most common problem. And it makes sense, because for all its importance—it can be really hard to execute. Even when all we really want is to get close, meld with one another’s hearts and minds.
Here are three ways that poor communication can impact your relationship.
Sometimes you might be the one struggling to communicate. At others, it’s your partner who seems distant. But often—it’s a mutual problem.
For instance, one partner might feel the need to discuss everything openly, while the other prefers keeping thoughts private or relying on non-verbal communication. These differences, if ignored, can lead to emotional withdrawal, leaving both partners feeling hurt.
You both want closeness—but you have different ideas of how to get there.
The partner who wants to talk feels unseen, like they don’t matter. The one who once expressed love through affectionate gestures or sexual initiation—may stop reaching out. Instead of connecting, you become isolated—focused only on your own perspective.
Over time, this lack of connection can lead to loneliness, resentment, and even feelings of rejection.
You might begin questioning your worth or wonder why your partner no longer seems interested. Healthy communication can help you reconnect and rebuild that sense of togetherness. The thing that drew you together in the first place.
Poor communication doesn’t just affect your relationship—it can harm your mental and physical health too.
Losing the ability to laugh together, share comforting words, enjoy a warm embrace, or have pleasurable sex, can make you feel disconnected and lonely.
When communication breaks down—stress levels can rise.
You may experience anxiety, sleep problems, or even physical symptoms like headaches and tension. In the long term, poor communication can damage your self-esteem and emotional well-being. Studies have shown that couples with poor communication are more likely to experience chronic stress, which can impact immune function, digestion, and low-grade stress.
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Communication isn’t just about daily conversations—it’s also about sex. In fact, in some ways—sex is communication (but often the wordless kind).
For some, sex is a way to feel connected, while for others, feeling connected is essential to desire sex.
But a communication breakdown can kill desire. Whether it’s not feeling understood, being afraid to share fantasies, or struggling with body image because of critical comments—these issues can destroy intimacy.
For a lot of people, having sex means being vulnerable. And when the lines of communication have broken—it can be hard to want sex, or be sexual. It can make you feel naked—and not in the good way.
If you’re thinking, “I have no sex drive and it’s hurting my relationship,” know that you’re not alone—and there are lots of ways to reignite the spark.
For some, a big cornerstone in wanting sex again is through learning better communication skills. Both in general, but sexually, too.
By understanding your needs and listening to your partner, you can build a more satisfying sexual connection. Because once you learn how to talk about sex, your conversations can unearth new things to explore together, ways your partner likes to feel desired, and how to keep sex less pressuring and more fun.
Improving communication doesn’t happen overnight, but with patience and practice, it’s definitely possible. Take it from a sex and relationship therapist who has seen her fair share of couples go from talking past one another to talking with one another.
Here are some practical tips:
Struggling with communication is common, but it doesn’t have to be permanent. Addressing it early can prevent unhealthy patterns from becoming fixed. And this is true whether your communication difficulties are about general life matters, sex—or both.
Rather than asking, “How does poor communication affect a relationship?” try asking, “How can we communicate better to make our relationship stronger?” Seeking support from a therapist can also offer practical tools to enhance your communication skills.
By focusing on solutions instead of your differences—you can bring the magic back to your connection. One conversation at a time.
You’re not alone! Download the 10-page Desire Test to find out why your desire for sex is gone (and what to do about it).
Questions based on a variety of factors proven to negatively affect desire
Find out which factors are responsible for your low or non-existent sex drive
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With 9 years of experience as a sex therapist and coach - Leigh helps her clients create stress-free, shame-free, pressure-free sex lives, through her unique combination of sexological science, & psychotherapeutic & coaching tools.
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