How Does Poor Communication Affect Relationships?

First published 10th November, 2020. Updated on 2 June, 2025.

7 min read

Communication is the foundation of any strong relationship. In some ways, it’s what makes a relationship what it is; how we share our thoughts, express our feelings, and build trust with one another. But what happens when communication starts to fade? 

This article, written by a sex and relationship therapist, explores the impact of poor communication, unhealthy communication patterns, and how improving your communication skills can transform your connection—both in and out of the bedroom.

Because it matters. 

Communication Underpins Your Relationship

At their core, relationships are about connecting with someone else. And that connection is impossible without communication. 

Whether it’s verbal, physical, or emotional, how you interact and share with your partner creates the magic that makes a relationship thrive. When communication falters, that magic can quickly fade.

From my experience working with couples, whether they are facing relationship issues or sexual concerns in sex therapy, communication challenges are the most common problem. And it makes sense, because for all its importance—it can be really hard to execute. Even when all we really want is to get close, meld with one another’s hearts and minds. 

Here are three ways that poor communication can impact your relationship.

You Feel Invisible

Sometimes you might be the one struggling to communicate. At others, it’s your partner who seems distant. But often—it’s a mutual problem. 

For instance, one partner might feel the need to discuss everything openly, while the other prefers keeping thoughts private or relying on non-verbal communication. These differences, if ignored, can lead to emotional withdrawal, leaving both partners feeling hurt.

You both want closeness—but you have different ideas of how to get there. 

The partner who wants to talk feels unseen, like they don’t matter. The one who once expressed love through affectionate gestures or sexual initiation—may stop reaching out. Instead of connecting, you become isolated—focused only on your own perspective.

Over time, this lack of connection can lead to loneliness, resentment, and even feelings of rejection. 

You might begin questioning your worth or wonder why your partner no longer seems interested. Healthy communication can help you reconnect and rebuild that sense of togetherness. The thing that drew you together in the first place.

It Impacts Your Health

Poor communication doesn’t just affect your relationship—it can harm your mental and physical health too. 

Losing the ability to laugh together, share comforting words, enjoy a warm embrace, or have pleasurable sex, can make you feel disconnected and lonely.

When communication breaks down—stress levels can rise. 

You may experience anxiety, sleep problems, or even physical symptoms like headaches and tension. In the long term, poor communication can damage your self-esteem and emotional well-being. Studies have shown that couples with poor communication are more likely to experience chronic stress, which can impact immune function, digestion, and low-grade stress.

My free resource, Talking Sex, helps you and your partner reduce conflict and misunderstandings about sex.

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Your Sex Life Suffers

Communication isn’t just about daily conversations—it’s also about sex. In fact, in some ways—sex is communication (but often the wordless kind). 

For some, sex is a way to feel connected, while for others, feeling connected is essential to desire sex.

But a communication breakdown can kill desire. Whether it’s not feeling understood, being afraid to share fantasies, or struggling with body image because of critical comments—these issues can destroy intimacy.

For a lot of people, having sex means being vulnerable. And when the lines of communication have broken—it can be hard to want sex, or be sexual. It can make you feel naked—and not in the good way. 

If you’re thinking, “I have no sex drive and it’s hurting my relationship,” know that you’re not alone—and there are lots of ways to reignite the spark. 

For some, a big cornerstone in wanting sex again is through learning better communication skills. Both in general, but sexually, too. 

By understanding your needs and listening to your partner, you can build a more satisfying sexual connection. Because once you learn how to talk about sex, your conversations can unearth new things to explore together, ways your partner likes to feel desired, and how to keep sex less pressuring and more fun. 

Common Communication Mistakes Couples Make

• Assuming Your Partner Knows What You Want: No one can read minds—yet we often expect our partner to anyway. Especially in the bedroom (or wherever you have sex).
  
  And when they fail to give us what we want, it can leave us wondering why they don’t get us. Have us feel like we’ve ended up with the wrong partner, when that might not be the case.
  
  
• Focusing Only on Problems: We often end up focusing on all the things wrong with our relationship, instead of what’s working well. While it makes sense—it can quickly erode even the positive aspects of our relationship.
  
  
• Avoiding Difficult Conversations: Bottling up feelings leads to resentment. Yet having those hard conversations can feel near impossible. Especially when we’re worried our partner is going to get angry about what we’re sharing.
  
  
• Using Blame Language: When we’re annoyed our partner hasn’t taken out the rubbish, or that they never seem to want to be intimate, it’s easy to fall into the trap of saying stuff like “You never…” or “You always”. But instead of opening up a productive conversation, it often leads to defensivenss and more of what we don’t want. 

Practical Steps for Better Communication

Improving communication doesn’t happen overnight, but with patience and practice, it’s definitely possible. Take it from a sex and relationship therapist who has seen her fair share of couples go from talking past one another to talking with one another. 

Here are some practical tips:

• Set Aside Time to Talk: While it may feel easier to bring it up when you know you’ve got somewhere to be, so the conversation doesn’t “drag it”, it’s usually better to plan for the conversation. More time often leads to less stress.
  
  
• Practice Active Listening: Focus on understanding your partner’s perspective instead of just waiting for your turn to speak. It can be tempting to interrupt and tell them they’re wrong, but you’re both entitled to your feelings.
  
  
• Use “I” Statements: Rather than saying “You never listen,” try “Sometimes when we talk I’ve noticed I feel unheard.” This sets you upf or a conversation rather than an argument.
  
  
• Be Open About Needs: Talk about your emotional and physical needs openly, whether it’s about general affection, emotional support, or sex. Remember, it’s okay if they don’t completely align right now, the important bit is getting it all out in the open.
  
  
• Seek Professional Support: A therapist can provide guidance and help you learn effective communication techniques. A sex therapist can help you communicate specifically about sex.
  
  
• Maintain Physical Connection: A simple touch or hug can be a powerful way of maintaining intimacy and keeping bodily communication alive. Physical affection boosts “feel good” hormones, and can keep us feeling bonded.

Facing the Issue Head-On

Struggling with communication is common, but it doesn’t have to be permanent. Addressing it early can prevent unhealthy patterns from becoming fixed. And this is true whether your communication difficulties are about general life matters, sex—or both. 

Rather than asking, “How does poor communication affect a relationship?” try asking, “How can we communicate better to make our relationship stronger?” Seeking support from a therapist can also offer practical tools to enhance your communication skills. 

By focusing on solutions instead of your differences—you can bring the magic back to your connection. One conversation at a time.