With a little effort and determination, everyone can spice up their relationship. And the best part? The more often you do it, the easier it will become. Here are four things to know about keeping a long term relationship alive – and how to do them.
We grow up in a world that tells us that if we’re with the right person – love, attraction and sex, are easy.
But while Hollywood rom-coms and our social media feeds are filled with these images – relationship and sex therapists like myself, see what others don’t.
There’s nothing wrong with a relationship that feel a little lacklustre – it just needs a boost. Once this is acknowledged, injecting a little life into your relationship doesn’t have to be so hard.
Once you’re onboard with being proactive about your relationship – you can set to work doing things that infuse it with fun.
Examples of ways couples can keep things fresh include: reminiscing about fun memories, surprising each other with date nights, and trying something new in the bedroom.
If you’re specifically looking for ways to connect on a deeper level – the “36 questions” are an excellent resource.
Based on a research experiment by Aron et. al (1996), the 36 questions were designed to create connection and, possibly even love, between complete strangers.
You can find the whole list of questions and instructions in this blog post: how to keep your relationship alive and exciting.
When it comes to keeping a long term relationship alive, addressing the five love languages can be an important part of the equation.
Created by Dr. Gary Chapman – the five love languages showcases the different ways in which people experience and show love. Usually, we have one preferred way of expressing love and it’s not always the same language for both people in a couple.
Because of the differences in our preferred love language, communication difficulties can arise – leading to a less-than-happy relationship.
The five different languages are:
Words of affirmation
Receiving compliments or hearing someone tell you they love you is the best way for you to experience love.
Acts of service
When someone does something for you, like throws away the rubbish or cleans the bathroom, you feel loved.
Thoughtful presents really show you you’re cared for and loved by your partner.
You feel the most loved when your partner makes an effort to spend time with you and give you their undivided attention.
Hugging, cuddling in bed or just being stroked on your arm is your preferred way of being shown love.
My free resource, The Guide for Intimacy, helps you and your partner increase intimacy – with or without sex.
Download the guide and you also get instant get access to my, deeply appreciated, bi-weekly newsletter. You can unsubscribe at any time.
If you’re looking for ways of keeping a long term relationship alive that center on attraction and sex – don’t just focus on the physical side of things.
While you might have been drawn to your partner because of the way they looked, attraction is often multi-layered and depends on lots of different things.
For some, it’s about the way their partner sounds when they laugh, for others it’s about the way they smell, the jokes they tell, or the way they shower them with attention.
By focusing on the very things you used to find attractive, you may very well start to feel that pull towards your loved one again.
Other times, stronger measures are needed in order to experience that lusty feeling with your partner again. If this sounds like you, my free resource The Desire Test is what you need.
Based on sexological science and best practices, it helps you pinpoint why you have a low sex drive and how to increase it.
Relationships need our attention and energy in order to remain fun and fulfilling. Once they get this – the attraction and connection of the early days can be relived – not all of the time (there are only so many hours in a day!), but enough to keep us happy and satisfied.
Four great ways of doing this are:
Accepting and reminding yourself of the fact that relationships take work,
Using the “36 questions” to spark curiosity and intimacy,
Figuring out what your and your partner’s love language is – and showing them love and affection by using their love language (even if it’s not yours)
Focusing on what attracted you to your partner in the first place, besides the physical things
Now you know about four way of keeping a long term relationship alive – make a note in your calendar of which one you’re going to start with – and stick to it.
No fluff - just life changing stuff, based on Sexological Science, Psychotherapeutic Methods and Best Practices.
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