Has The Attraction Waned? 4 Things To Know About Keeping A Long-Term Relationship Alive

With a little effort and determination, everyone can spice up their relationship. And the best part? The more often you do it, the easier it will become. Here are four things to know about keeping a long-term relationship alive – and how to do them.

Four Things To Know About Keeping a Long-Term Relationship Alive

1. Everyone needs to do it

We grow up in a world that tells us that if we’re with the right person – love, attraction and sex, are easy.

But while Hollywood rom-coms and our social media feeds are filled with these images – relationship and sex therapists like myself, see what others don’t.

We see the couples who are struggling with connection. The couples who feel like something is missing because they’re not having sex. The couples who’ve stopped looking at each other lovingly.  

There’s nothing wrong with a relationship that feel a little lacklustre – it just needs a boost. Once this is acknowledged, you can inject a little life into your relationship. Without it being hard.

2. Yes, it can be fun

Once you’re on board with being proactive about your relationship – you can start doing things to infuse your bond.

Examples of ways couples can keep things fresh include: reminiscing about fun memories, surprising each other, and trying something new in the bedroom.

In fact, all of these things aren’t just great for your relationship as a whole, they’re also a great way of going from no sex drive to lots of it!

If you’re specifically looking for ways to connect emotionally, on a deeper level – the “36 questions” are an excellent resource.

Based on a research experiment by Aron et. al (1996), the 36 questions are designed to create connection and, possibly even love, between complete strangers.

The questions range from the simple, to the vulnerable, and include things like: “Would you like to be famous? In what way?” And ”If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?”

You can find the whole list of questions in this blog post: how to keep your relationship alive and exciting.

3. It helps knowing each other’s love languages

When it comes to keeping a long-term relationship alive, addressing the five love languages can be an important part of the equation.

Created by Dr. Gary Chapman – the five love languages showcases the different ways in which people experience and show love. Usually, we have one preferred way of expressing love. Keep in mind, we don’t always share the same love language as our partner.

Because of the differences in our preferred love language, communication difficulties can arise – leading to a less-than-happy relationship.

Understanding your own love language and that of your partner’s, is like uncovering a short-cut to better communication and therefore, more love and intimacy in your relationship.

The five different languages are:

• Words of affirmation

  • Receiving compliments or hearing someone tell you they love you is the best way for you to experience love.

• Acts of service

  • When someone does something for you, like throws away the rubbish or cleans the bathroom, you feel loved.

• Receiving gifts

  • Thoughtful presents really show you you’re cared for and loved by your partner.

• Quality time

  • You feel the most loved when your partner makes an effort to spend time with you and give you their undivided attention.

• Physical touch

  • Hugging, cuddling in bed or just being stroked on your arm is your preferred way of being shown love.

Want your sex drive back?

My free resource The Desire Test helps you take that first step towards an increased sex drive, by understanding your decreased desire. 

Download the quiz and yo also get instant get access to my, deeply appreciated, weekly newsletter. You can unsubscribe at any time.