5 min read
Does sex relieve stress? The answer is a frustrating maybe; as it all depends on what you’re stressed about and your relationship with sex and pleasure at large.
Because sex isn’t just about sex – and stress is multifaceted.
Read on for more tips by a sex therapist and coach who specializes in helping those who feel stressed out about sex, regain desire without wacky sex positions, lime-flavoured lube and pressure and stress tactics.
Neuroscientist and sex therapist Dr. Nan Wise, talks about the many emotional benefits of sex; among them, stress relief and increased productivity. Two goals most of us share in our ever globalised, notifications-pinging-at-all-times, world. Goals that seem more and more elusive, am I right?
The evidence that sex reduces stress can be found not only in Dr. Nan’s work and important research, but also anecdotally.
In my work over the years, I’ve spoken to quite a few people who feel sex is crucial to relaxing. People who need to share the sexual enmeshing of their bodies, minds and sometimes, hearts, with their partner’s, in order to destress.
If you’re inclined this way, it makes a lot of sense why the answer to the question, does sex relieve stress, is a yes. Because sex that feels good to us releases important neurochemicals, among them dopamine and oxytocin.
These feel-good hormones not only make us feel happier but also help us bond with our sex partner. This is partly the reason why the answer to why does sex cause emotional attachment, has to do with hormones (though it’s far from the whole picture!).
Once you’ve experienced the stress-reducing effect of sex, you’re more likely to crave it the next time.
Some feel the most loved when they’re showered with compliments. Others fall in love all over again when their partner cooks their favourite meal.
But for some, there is no act that results in greater butterflies, than sex itself.
There is something about feeling desired and needed sexually, that trumps everything else. And when we experience feeling loved through sex, cortisol levels naturally decline and stress melts away.
But in order for us to find sex stress-reducing, we need to have a stressless relationship with it. Because even if sex releases feel-good hormones and makes us feel loved up – it’s not a given if the thought of sex causes stress.
My free resource The Desire Test helps you take that first step towards an increased sex drive, by understanding your decreased desire.
Take the 10-page assessment quiz, get the answers you need to understand what’s standing in the way of your desire, and get free sex and relationship tips directly to your inbox. You can unsubscribe at any time.
Over the years I’ve spoken to clients who feel like sex is more of a chore than a moment of connection.
Clients who have felt like there’s no point having sex, ‘cause all they do during it is worry about emails to send, and if they should fake their orgasm soon.
When we don’t find sex pleasurable or exciting, and instead view it as a stressful duty, having it does not reduce any stress. Quite the opposite in fact. It just adds to our plate and our ever-present to-do list.
And when cortisol and adrenaline are already pumping through our veins, the added stress of sex means our desire is nowhere to be found. If this is you, the answer to the question “does sex relieve stress”, is likely a resounding no.
The tricky thing with sex is that it’s seldom only about sex. Our ideas about and relationship with pleasure, in general, can have a big effect on our sex drive and how much we enjoy sex.
We live in a culture with 24/7 news cycles, constantly inundated with stories about impending doom and developing crises.
This can make connecting with our sexuality so difficult because it can feel frivolous and like we’re not worthy of it.
Even allowing ourselves the basic pleasures of thoroughly enjoying a meal or prioritizing fun over laundry duty, can feel challenging.
If this sounds like you, you might very well also relate to being a perfectionist. Because underneath the need to always do the right thing in the right way – are ideas of not being worthy unless we’re productive. And sex is seldom seen as productive, at least not compared to ticking off items on our to-do list.
Perfectionism makes pleasure all-round nearly impossible.
But the thing is, even with a long list of to-dos, and the world suffering – you’re worthy of pleasure – the sexual kind, too.
If you’re looking to create a less stressful relationship with sex. One where you want that intimacy and excitement at the end of the day. One where you don’t go “oh no”, as soon as your partner touches you, but ”@#$%&! yes!” – let your mind ponder over the following questions.
Notice what feelings come up for you as you mull these over. By answering these questions, you’ll gain a clearer understanding of your relationship with pleasure all-round, and sex, too. And they’re a good way of challenging your status quo and giving you insight into your personal answer to the question, does sex relieve stress.
The more you can revel in pleasure in your day-to-day, the easier it will be for you to experience desire and sexual pleasure.
The answer to the question, does sex relieve stress, is a complicated one. Because sex and stress aren’t always a match made in heaven, though they can be. For some, it’s a great way of decompressing after a long workday. But for a large portion of others, it’s detrimental to pleasure and desire all-round. What’s it like for you?
Is stress negatively impacting your sexual desire and your relationship?
In my online program, Re:Desire, I help you shift the way you think and feel about sex, and give you tools and strategies to increase your desire for more sex and intimacy. All without 101 new sex positions, toys and stressful sex schedules.
Because the last thing you need is to push yourself out of your comfort zone too quickly.
Read more and fill out the short form to apply today.
You’re not alone! Download the 10-page Desire Test to find out why your desire for sex is gone (and what to do about it).
Questions based on a variety of factors proven to negatively affect desire
Find out which factors are responsible for your low or non-existent sex drive
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With 8 years of experience as a sex therapist and coach - Leigh helps her clients create stress-free, shame-free, pressure-free sex lives, through her unique combination of sexological science, & psychotherapeutic & coaching tools.
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