A good sex life is usually equated with exciting positions, new places and sex toys galore (at least if we’re to believe pop culture’s take on it!).
Magazines, tv-shows and movies often place a heavy emphasis on sexual technique and performance, and although these things aren’t unimportant – they’re not the only way to make your love life better.
Believe it or not, communication in your relationship is actually one of the most effective ways of turning your sex life from mundane to wonderful. It’s not only crucial to be able to talk about sex, it’s also important to cultivate healthy communication in your relationship on a daily basis.
Here are 3 ways improved communication can have a lasting positive effect on your sex life.
For some, sex is a way of getting closer to your partner. This in turn strengthens your bond and makes it easier for you to communicate about other things in life. For others, an emotional connection is needed for sexual desire to be sparked. This means you may need to feel intimacy on other levels to engage in sex fully.
One way of creating emotional intimacy is by strengthening your communication skills. Communication is usually thought of as merely talking, but it actually encompasses a whole range of behaviours. For example:
physical – touching your partner as a way of letting them know you’re there for them or showing them what you need,
sighs or other sounds that let your partner know how you’re feeling without actually using words,
texting or emailing,
talking
Healthy communication is all about listening, validating and responding to your partner.
When you get the hang of it, you’re likely to feel closer to your partner throughout the day, even if you have little time or your children are screaming bloody murder in the next room.
When this sense of emotional intimacy is felt, it increases the chances of you and your partner feeling like you can let your guard down during sex and be who you truly are, sexually.
Sex can be a vulnerable experience and oftentimes it’s equated with shame. This is because of societal norms that dictate what we should and shouldn’t get off to, who is worthy of sexual fulfillment and who isn’t, or ideas about sex as a dirty, shameful act.
When we feel closer to our partner and can let go during sex, feelings of shame or guilt can more easily subside.
Greater intimacy on a day-to-day basis can also enable the communication during sex to flow with greater ease. And showing who you really are between the sheets – makes for better sex for both of you.
When you’ve got the hang of communication in your relationship, the skill tends to spill over into other areas of life, such as your sex life.
Listening to your partner’s sexual needs and wants and communicating your own, is one of the best ways to create a sex life you both will enjoy.
When I see clients in sex therapy, we almost always address sexual communication – no matter the problem they want help with. Most couples struggle talking about sex and the subject can make them feel a little unsettled.
Sexual communication can feel like an intimidating task and bring up all sorts of ideas in our heads about having to “talk dirty” or be incredibly vocal during sex.
Even if these are two things that definitely can bring some spark into the bedroom, communication about sex is so much more than this.
It’s about communicating before, during and after sex. It’s about telling your partner what you like and what you dislike (in a nice way, of course!). It’s about taking an interest in what your partner desires and validating their wants, even if you don’t share them.
When you know more about each other’s sexuality and feel more relaxed when discussing sex, it usually leads to a more a satisfying sex life.
No longer will you have to wonder whether your spouse really enjoys what you’re doing, or if another technique would be preferable. And gone are the days when sex always adhered to a certain pattern.
Communication enables experimentation and experimentation can be a great way of how to get your sex drive back, increase sexual arousal, and strengthen your bond as a couple.
Download the guide, and you also get instant access to my deeply appreciated weekly newsletter. You can unsubscribe at any time.
Communication in your relationship isn’t only important to increasing a general sense of intimacy and communicating your sexual preferences – it’s also key when it comes to boundaries and differences.
For example, without letting our partner know why emotional intimacy needs to precede sexual intimacy for us to get in the mood, sex can become an infected and difficult part of our relationship.
Only through communication can our partner know what we need and help us along the way. The same goes for respecting sexual differences in our relationships.
Different libidos and differing preferences for sexual activities are more common than uncommon. This means we need to find ways of talking about our differences, in order for us to work around them and accept them.
If your partner doesn’t know you need to feel close to them to want to have sex – their constant sexual initiatives will start to make you feel anxious. Perhaps you’ll want to distance yourself for fear of having to turn them down yet again. In turn, your partner might feel frustrated, unattractive and worried that you’re no longer interested in them.
By communicating you can alleviate the pressure surrounding sex and create a sex life that you both want.
Now that you know communication in your relationship is a key way to have great sex – what’s stopping you?
You’re not alone! Download the 10-page Desire Test to find out why your desire for sex is gone (and what to do about it).
Questions based on a variety of factors proven to negatively affect desire
Find out which factors are responsible for your low or non-existent sex drive
Get instant access to expert advice, delivered directly to your inbox when you download The Desire Test. Unsubscribe anytime.
WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE DESIRE TEST?
With 8 years of experience as a sex therapist and coach - Leigh helps her clients create stress-free, shame-free, pressure-free sex lives, through her unique combination of sexological science, & psychotherapeutic & coaching tools.
Copyright © 2019-2024 Leigh Norén. All Rights Reserved. | Website by Pinegate Road
Cookie policy | Terms & Conditions | Privacy Policy
Cookie | Duration | Description |
---|---|---|
cookielawinfo-checbox-analytics | 11 months | This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". |
cookielawinfo-checbox-functional | 11 months | The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". |
cookielawinfo-checbox-others | 11 months | This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. |
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary | 11 months | This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". |
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance | 11 months | This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". |
viewed_cookie_policy | 11 months | The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data. |