How To Turn Boring Sex Into Sizzling Sex Using All 5 Senses

11 minute read

Are you having boring sex and secretly fearing it’s a sign of something deeper going on? No need to worry – it doesn’t have to be a sign of the slow demise of your relationship. 

It’s completely normal for desire to ebb and flow – and for pleasure to come and go too. You’re not failing and you’re not doomed to have boring sex for the rest of your life. Read on for strategies created by a sex therapist and coach to help get that sizzling spark back.

Toe-curling moments with your partner await! 

Boring Sex Happens To Everyone From Time To Time

So here’s the truth: boring sex happens to everyone from time to time. Contrary to what pop culture and Hollywood would have you believe, even couples who feel like they have the best, most magnificent sex lives – also sometimes have sex that isn’t so satisfying. 

Why sexual novelty helps…

Sexual novelty is the changing up of how you do things in the bedroom (or wherever you usually have sex). This can entail how you initiate sex, the sex act itself or even what you do after sex as research shows this can deeply impact how we feel about our sexual experience as a whole. 

Adding something new to your sex life helps because it helps your mind to be more present during sex. And when you’re more present – you’re usually enjoying yourself a whole lot more. 

Your brain doesn’t know “what comes next” or “what position to move into” – which means it doesn’t fall into autopilot the same way it does when you have your sexual routine down to a T. 

That said, sexual novelty doesn’t have to include trying wild new positions, lime-flavoured lube or having sex in a hotel on your lunch break. It can also be powerfully influenced by subtle changes – for instance by engaging your 5 senses in new or different ways.

Change Things Up Using All 5 Senses In Bed

Sex is a multi-sensory activity. It doesn’t just engage your sense of touch (though this is perhaps the most obvious sense when it comes to sex). Pleasure is actually experienced through all 5 of them. And through consciously engaging more of them – you can reach new heights of toe-curling pleasure and satisfaction. 

An important point to remember as you peruse your possibilities below  – you don’t have to try them all. 

Sometimes it’s helpful to step into some of these activities slowly to gauge how both you and your partner respond to them. Because you’re not aiming for Olympic-style sex here, you’re simply aiming for a good time with your partner.

Making love with your eyes

Simply put – try doing more with your eyes open and you might be surprised by what you see. And how this makes you feel. 

Instead of closing your eyes as you lock lips with your partner – look into their eyes. Even watching you two together during sex can heighten the experience. While this can be easily done by using mirrors, you might want to start by simply taking in what you see right in front of you – whether it be your partner’s eyes, mouth, or body. 

It is often said that eyes are the windows to our souls – and this is because eye contact can be intense. For this reason it might feel vulnerable to look at each other as opposed to closing your eyes, but the upside of this is that you might just find the look on your partner’s face when they receive pleasure is one you haven’t paid attention to before. Perhaps a look that fills you with love and increases your own sexual satisfaction.

It can also be exciting to see how your partner takes you in with hungry eyes, especially if you feel self-conscious about your body or some other part of you. Watching yourself through your partner’s eyes and allowing that vulnerability can make for a strong emotional and physically pleasurable sexual experience.

It can also have you feeling the way your partner feels about you – truly sexy.

Remember, you can always close your eyes if the experience is too strong or increases feelings of being self-conscious. Go with your gut here!

Making love with your ears

Whether you generally tend to be quiet during sex or you find yourself making lots of sounds of enjoyment – it’s clear our auditory sense can be powerful when it comes to sex.

If you’re looking to turn boring sex into sizzling sex – you can harness this sense in lots of ways to better your experience with your partner. 

In fact, research shows that actively making more noise can make the experience even more satisfying for both your partner (and aid in their climax), and yourself. Because those who make more noise tend to feel that their sexual experiences are more satisfactory than their quieter counterparts. And it also helps communicate to your partner what you like and don’t like – henceforth leading to better sex overall and a more sexually confident partner. 

So, whether you share your bedroom wall with your kids’ or live in an apartment with thin walls – consider ways of making it easier to make more noise during sex to increase both arousal and enjoyment. 

One way of making this easier is through purposefully whispering sounds of enjoyment in your partner’s ears – or through engaging in some dirty talk. Hearing your partner put into words what they’re enjoying doing with you or what they want to do with you can make for really exciting sex. 

Other ways of using your auditory sense include music that matches your mood. Whether with more romantic melodies or obviously dirty bass notes – music can both be a soundtrack that leads the way for your desires or that complements what you and your partner are already doing. A fun exercise to heighten sexual anticipation is to create a sexy playlist together with your partner – putting you in the mood for all that great sex to come. 

My free resource The Desire Test helps you take that first step towards an increased sex drive, by understanding your decreased desire. 

Take the 10-page assessment quiz, get the answers you need to understand what’s standing in the way of your desire, and get free sex and relationship tips directly to your inbox. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Making love with your sense of smell or scent

When it comes to spicing things up in the bedroom – using your sense of smell can be a great way to add to the experience and make it more exciting. 

This could be spritzing you and your partner with a favourite smell or perfume before you have sex. It can also be lighting scented candles or incense that you both enjoy in an effort to signal the mood or to bring you deeper into your senses during sex.

Some find that setting the mood right with scents, helps them get out of their head during sex and into their bodies in a way nothing else can. 

For all the good scents can do during sex – the “wrong” scents can also be a major turnoff. For this reason alone it’s important to think about what’s needed in order to make sex an easier, more exciting experience for you both. For instance, showering before sex (together, if the mood takes you!) may help to remove any smells that might otherwise distract you both during sex. 

Making love with taste

Taste is an often overlooked sense in the bedroom, but there’s a lot you can do to leverage its power to increase your desire.  

Like your sense of smell, taste can be distracting if you or your partner’s breath isn’t pleasant. Keeping breath mints, water or floss by your bedside are all helpful for impromptu sex.

And goodness knows we don’t all have time to plan our sexual experiences in minute detail. So make it easy for you in any way you can – mints and all.

Other things to consider are how certain food choices may impact your sexual experience negatively and positively. For instance, if part of how you get in the mood for sex is by scheduling a good old date night – you might want to pay attention to how various foods might prohibit desire. Especially if kissing and making out are your favourite ways to initiate sex – you might want to pass on the super garlicky hummus at dinner in favour of something that won’t linger on your tongue hours later.

Making love with touch

Last, but definitely not least – touch is one of the biggest, perhaps most obvious senses engaged during sex (but it can still be amped up to turn boring sex into sizzling sex!). 

Beyond enjoying or not enjoying sex as much as you perhaps used to – consider thinking about touch in a broader sense. This can help you take one step further towards really enjoying being intimate with your partner again.

For instance: do you like the sensation of gentle touch or rougher touch? If you have a preference – does it vary depending on where you’re at in your menstrual cycle or perhaps how stressed you are in general? 

What about temperature, do you like heat or cold? And how about the feeling of your sheets or the sofa on which you have sex – do you have a preference towards certain materials? If so, what kind of sensation do you like: soft, smooth, silky, or rugged? 

Beyond what you yourself enjoy – what does your partner like? This is an important question to consider especially as one of the most common issues I see in couples who seek me out as a sex therapist and coach is that they haven’t updated their ideas about what their partner likes in months, years or even decades. 

And while it would be fairly easy to assume preferences don’t really change – they in fact – do. 

For this reason alone, if you’ve experienced boredom in the bedroom and things are getting a little stale as of late – try exploring different kinds of touch during sex to see what new things you might both like. You might be surprised!

Worried Your Sex Life Has Felt Boring For Too Long? Here’s Some FAQs Clients Often Ask Me:

Is it ok to be bored with sex from time to time?

Yes – it’s completely okay to be bored with sex from time to time. It doesn’t have to mean your relationship is coming to an end or that you’re gonna need to go a complete 180 in order to get things to feel exciting and satisfying again (even if it might feel that way right now!)

If you’re bored with your sex life now, there’s lots you can do. For instance, you can work on amplifying your 5 senses in new ways.

This will not only help increase presence during sex in a natural way (as your mind doesn’t know exactly what will happen thus reducing the risk for “autopilot”), it will also help you find new things that turn you on and that you find pleasuring. 

Instead of being stuck in the old story of “we always do it at bedtime in silence so we don’t wake the kids” or “sex is always the same predictable routine” you’re taking ownership of your sex life and exploring easy ways to make things feel new again. 

Because you don’t need lots of complicated sex positions and lots of new, intimidating sex toys to keep things fresh. Simple things like what’s listed above are more manageable for most people to do. And – coming from a sex therapist and coach with years of experience helping couples – they work!

Does boring sex mean my partner isn’t into me? 

The short answer is, it depends. The long answer is, boring sex can mean your partner isn’t into you. But, very likely, that’s not the only thing that’s going on causing your sex to be a little lack-lustre. You may be in a relationship where you both don’t feel as wildly in love as you used (a feeling that doesn’t have to mean anything sinister either, by the way). 

Other times, we might still be feeling those big, expansive feelings, yet sex is still a bit bland. Remind yourself here that it takes two to tango. 

So while part of it might be that your partner isn’t into you, very likely, it’s actually something that you’re both doing (or not doing!) – that’s contributing to sex not being exciting. 

And knowing this is a reason to talk to a sex coach or therapist like me to suss it out before it becomes a bigger issue.

How common is it to feel like sex is boring? 

It’s very common for sex to feel boring, at least from time to time, for most people. However, if sex always has been and always is boring – you’re gonna want to have a look at why that might be. At least if you want to keep having sex and it’s important to you. 

Because the truth of the matter is, boring sex that’s been going on for a while (or even a long time) – won’t repair itself. 

But, by talking with a sex coach or a sex therapist like me, you can tease out what to focus on to create sizzling sex.

Because even if a boring sex life doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship, it’s important for you both not to continue to engage in something you’re not enjoying. 

When you engage in sex you don’t enjoy – you’re further teaching your mind and body that sex isn’t fun. Over time, this leads to your body learning to suppress desire – because there’s no point desiring something that isn’t enjoyable.

To get out of this pattern and create the relationship you want deep down – you have to address it. 

To put it simply – boring sex from time to time doesn’t have to mean anyting. The most important thing to draw from these experiences is – do you want to change things up? Is it important to you to keep having a satisfying and exciting sex life? 

And if so, how do you want to do that? 

Is it important to you?

Your sex life will change throughout your years together (no matter how boring it is now or how hot it used to be). Because people change throughout their lifetimes – and challenges come and go. 

It’s up to you what importance you place on your sex life and how much it means to you to enjoy each other sexually. But if your boring sex is upsetting you – that’s all the sign you need to know it’s time to do something about it. 

A first step might be tapping into and amplifying one or more of your five senses – and if you want more ideas – check out my digital product shop, More of The Good Stuff, full of low-cost sex-therapist-created resources that harness the power of small moments to create big change.