What is a Sex Therapist and How Can a Sex Therapist Help Me? Here’s How.

As a sex therapist, I often get the question: what is a sex therapist? Like, really? Well, sex therapists are specialists in sex. This means that a sex therapist can help you with any kind of concern or problem relating to sex and human sexuality.

Some people want help increasing their sex drive, whereas others want sex to stop being a source of pain, or receive advice on how to turn their monogamous relationship into an open one.

Sex therapists usually offer sex therapy as well as counselling, depending on their level of education.

Because sexual problems are often either caused by difficulties in a romantic relationship, or lead to issues in a relationship, it’s not uncommon to seek help for both the sexual problems and relationship problems.  For example:

• No sex drive or low libido and arguments about sex

• Erectile difficulties and lack of general intimacy in the relationship

• Different sexual preferences and difficulties with communication in general

What is sex therapy?

Sex therapists usually offer a mix of talking therapy and exercises for you to do at home in between sessions. Exercises can range from getting to know yourself and your body better, or working on regaining intimacy with your partner.

Sometimes the exercises are more psychological in character, and other times they’re physical – but you never have to worry about therapy sessions turning even remotely sexual – they never do.

Seeing a sex therapist is much like seeing any other therapist, counsellor or psychologist; you receive psychological help, except the therapist is also specialized in sexology.

Sex therapists‘ qualifications

When answering the question “what is a sex therapist”, it’s important to note that sex therapists have formal qualifications. So, make sure to check your sex therapist’s qualifications as some people make themselves out to be sex therapists without having actually studied any sexology.

Sexology is a science, just like any other science, and you want to make sure that the counselling or therapy you’re receiving, is based on knowledge and best practices, not the person’s own sexuality and sexual preferences.  

Sex therapists usually base their work on what we refer to as the bio-psycho-social model. This means that your therapist likely takes all the different aspects of sexuality into consideration; biological, psychological and sociocultural, when trying to ascertain which factors may be the culprit. Despite this, sex therapy can be different depending on your therapist’s level of education, and the chosen therapeutic model they base their work on.

How many sessions you need

Sometimes all you need is a few sessions with a sex therapist to straighten something out, other times you might need a lot of help before things get better. It’s usually difficult to determine how many sessions are needed in the beginning. Therefore, sex therapists will often want to see you at least 2-3 times, before they can assess if it will be long or short term therapy, and whether they believe they can help you or not.

We do everything we can to make it relaxed

A lot of people feel nervous about going to see a sex therapist – so if that’s you, you’re definitely not alone! Most of us don’t usually talk about our sex lives with others, especially not with strangers.

As a sex therapist, we’ve pretty much seen and heard everything, so you really don’t have to be worried (even though I understand you may be).

A good therapist will usually try and put you at ease. My experience is that most people usually find it more nerve-wracking before the actual sessions, and a few minutes into it, they’re not as uncomfortable and awkward as they thought they would be.

Remember, if you’re asked questions you don’t feel comfortable answering, always make sure to let the therapist know.

It’s not only about sex

A sex therapist usually tries to get as a holistic view of your problem as possible. This means that you might spend large portions of sessions, or even whole therapies, discussing things that might seem irrelevant to your sexual concern, such as your family background, everyday stressors, or problems at work.

This is completely normal!

Sex and sexuality are much more complicated than a lot of us have been led to believe, which means almost anything in your life can affect it, even if it seems a stretch. In fact, emotions control sex, our desire for it and how much we enjoy sex, which is why it’s important to look at things holistically.

Last but not least – you always have the right to seek professional help for sexual concerns or problems. And if you can’t find a sex therapist in your area, there are usually a lot of therapists who offer sessions online, via Zoom or other messaging services.

What is a sex therapist?

If you’re looking for someone to help you with sexual difficulties or concerns – make sure you know what a sex therapist is and does so you can suss out the real ones from the ones who don’t have any formal qualifications.

Sexual problems aren’t “luxury problems”, they’re real issues that can have a detrimental effect on your wellbeing and lead to physical and psychological health issues if left untreated. Take yourself seriously – you’re worth it.

Best of luck!

Originally posted on my Swedish website www.sexologkliniken.com